Who's life hasn't been spotted with failure? Certainly not mine. In fact, if there was a hall of failure, today would be the latest entry. All my studying came to no end as I went for my paper sick and with a terrible headache. I couldn't sleep the night before thinking about the paper the next morning.
Sigh.. Life sucks. I just wish I'd have another chance.
Tmr? My TR module? Let's hope that it's better. Otherwise, it's all right. I'll not give up anyway. Unless there's no other option but to, I'll stick on in NUS like a germ.
Don't have the motivation to do anything anymore.
Must I really come to this place again? I want something so bad, I'm willing to give up everything to get it.
Lord, you name is higher than the heavens
if there's one thing so beautiful that i can't let go
it's your love for me
like a shining star in the heavens
and the joy of waking up to my loving puppy
and the best buffet lunch in the world with an empty stomach to fit it all in.
If there was once my appetite is really large for blessings
it is now
And thank God tmr's the feast:
My HY2252 paper.
After mugging 10-10 at the library all week
I'm more than prepared
Yet, the problem is that my mind has become so habituated with words
I can't seem to provoke a quick reading response. :P
Anyways, Tmr's the feast, and I'm in the mood for food.
Bring it on and I'm sure that when I see it, I'll grab it. I'm hungry for my A.
But it is the Lord who provides the feast.
Strangely, when i was forcing myself to study this afternoon, I heard the Lord speak to me when I finally succumbed and took a nap,
"Gwen. There's nothing left to study. Everything is done. I told you that already. Yet, even if that's the case, all I have to do is present to you another option to resting and you will take it for sure. Or won't you?"
And I thought Wow. That's so true. Even when everything is done, i'll not stop until there no other option but to rest. Even if it the minutest of things, I'll insist on doing it "just in case"... And that's bad because the Devil just continues presenting thing upon thing until there's no more energy left in me to concentrate on the important parts.
You know I wouldn't be stressed if I had no expectations. This time, it's because i know that I can get an A that I'm stressed.
But I need to reassure myself that my mistakes from now on will not be powerful enough to overwhelm the blessing on God on me. His favour will swallow up every death in my life, even in my mind tmr.
Phew.. Daddy God, Love you loads. I can't stand being a law-abiding Jew.
I need to be a free, beloved, saved and reborn child of God, because I really don't believe that any of my cover up work is going to work anyway. I doubt that the Jews believed in it too. That's why they sought a once and for all removal of sins. And God gave Jesus and He's the truth. He really is the payment, not just the cover up. So He's not like make up over a pimple, He's like the healing that permeates the skin so that it is flawless. Perfect!
I love this healing power. No more cover up needed! No more nasty, imperfect make up over pimple or excuse over mistake. Just believe and every cell in your being will be reborn with New PimpLe-Free and Healing-Permeating, Favour-Magnetised and Destiny-Walking Divine life. A New Thing has began. You. A New Creation.
Yay! Say goodbye to nasty cover ups. Now I just need to focus on how to live an unbridled life without the limitations of poverty, disease and condemnation. I can make plans knowing that i'm walking the path of dignity and righteousness. So that I don't have to Siam4 anymore.
Thank you Jesus. You are the Shield that goes before me and Justifies me. So that I can walk without bothering about what the world says or thinks. I'm openly Christian. I've been openly declared Righteous.
I think that's the essence of Christianity la. Not that our circumstances are perfect but that in the equation of
Me (Imperfect Persistently) + God's Favour (Perfect) = Good outcome
So, when you see the imperfect you/ the imperfect circumstance, don't be surprised. Because it's part of the equation to the Good outcome. God's Favour is always constant.
Don't set your eyes on perfectly the outcome. Set your eyes on God's Favour and the outcome will take care of itself and if you find it hard to think about what to do next, maybe it's time to recognize that it is not the good outcome that you're aiming for.
Instead God's Favour in your life is already the reward.
Others live life like this
Me (Persistently Imperfect) + Right Doing = Maybe a Good Outcome (See first)
Me (Persistently Imperfect) + Wrong Doing = Definately Bad Outcome
The way I look at it, Living without God's favour is living with a constant expectation of the Bad Outcome and in the What-Next? mentality. But living with God's favour, I can dare to take risks cause I know that the outcome will always be Good at the end of the day, no matter what others say or what the immediate outcome may be. It gives me boldness to try things that might work.
This is why I'm constantly trying new things though i know that I might fail. Because I have faith that the Lord will catch if even if I fall. So, even if i fall, I'm not so afraid. Because it just proves that Me (Persistently Imperfect) is in the equation therefore God's Favour (Perfect) can lead to a good outcome.
The Worse Thing is when we don't even try. So Folks> Just Try Your Best k?
Think of something, consider it, then do it. Don't withdraw out of fear and God can make something out of it!
Cheers.
Last night I had this awesome dream about shopping in China. So many clothes and it was funny because i walked into a 3 stories departmental store just selling lingerie and I laughed. There was a level for kiddies, one for regulars and one for those who have given birth before. As i marveled at choices available i marveled too at the prices. Dirt cheap!
Anyways, After shopping I went back to the 5 star hotel with an attached balcony with a tanning bed where I could suntan and I thought.. OH God! this is heaven.. :P I wanna go for a holiday to China!
First things first, I gotta deal with the exams. So far, revision has been very fruitful. I've been mugging with Clement and Hengtin, basically from 10-10 everyday with 2 hours break for lunch and dinner, which means 8 hours daily. I'm amazed at how much I can cover when I'm focused. Finished studying for a module (almost) and practiced writing 2 essays in 2 days.
Today i embark on mugging for the 2nd module: Intro to business history.
When I woke up this morning, i realised this, that people are motivated either by negative reinforcement (Punishment) or positive reinforcement (Rewards). Because I have absolutely no faith that I can get the rewards, I'm usually motivated by Punishment. (Knowing that if I don't study I'll suffer when the grades are released.)
Yet God wants us to work by the systems of rewards. Maybe that's why I had that retail therapy dream last night. Hmm... To remind me of Rewards which I have forgotten for awhile.
The thing is this. I don't wanna become addicted to high life and be like the Jews. The Jews are a peculiar bunch. They are motivated by both Rewards and Punishment but because punishment is really real in their lives, they don't really mind that others are being punished. They work harder than everyone else so that they can look behind their shoulders and say "Loser. See how fair my God is in rewarding me and not you, you sloth."
It's really a fend for yourself world for them. (Dog-eat-Dog) That's why they end up monopolizing, controlling and securing their stake in any profitable sector of the economy. It is not a sign of their inheritance from God. It's a sign of how much they hate being the tail and not the head. It's a sign of ambition and a hatred for failure. Success Fever. (This account is of course of my personal opinion - shaped a lot by the anti-semitic sentiments that I've read about in history books)
Yet, i believe that God has a much better deal for me. It's called Grace. I think I used to be a "Jew"- Fed up with being holocausted and persecuted, I sought a way to redeem myself. I looked around and observed the fruits that I desired and traced these fruits down to the minutest of activities. Yes. There's money in the banking industry and the medical industry. I wanna be in it. The Jew is motivated only by the money and the redemption and not the desire to glorify God. He asks God if that is His desire for the Jew to be rich and all over the bible it says yes. Only condition is that the Jew follows the laws of God precisely. The Jew looks at himself and his possession and notices that he has nothing and he looks back at God and says "Yes. I'll take it."
And God prospers him as though he was the son of God. No remorse, no guilt. He was born a Jew and he'll always be a Jew no matter what and He'll keep the Law no matter what because that's his road to success and he knows it. Even if he failed sometimes, the most important thing was to make up for it and cover it up. (Yearly Sacrifice) Actually it's a daily affair. Each time he sins, he'll think of a way to cover up. Whether it is a failure in an exam or acquiring someone else's firm for an unreasonable price. Punishment comes when you've done wrong or you've not done enough. That's the only sure thing in life besides death and taxes.
I don't know but, I wouldn't want to be a Jew. It's terribly realistic. Being a Jew is like facing up to reality and i'm an idealist.
Being a Christian, on the other hand, entails doing away with all this covering up business and believing that God has got you covered. You live your life with the assumption that no evil shall come near your tent because you are God's beloved. This gives you the ability to reject unscrupulous business activity and circumscribing love for immediate benefits.
Yet, it is not a straight path like Judaism is, where you can assess where you stand at every point of the way. Christianity has no yardstick, all who believe stand at the same spot, the finishing line. It baffles me. The Lord Jesus and his finished work. But i like it cause it gives me the right to do nothing during exam time and still feel good about myself.
But what's stopping me from doing that? Once again it's the Jewish mentality that you reap what you sow and that if you sow nothing, you'll reap nothing.
How much of that is Law?
How much of Grace is in the new covenant and driving people to do things nowadays?
I'm confused. I think i'm behaving like a Jew now but i still hope to be entitled to God's grace. Qu'est-ce que je dois faire?
Somehow, I find the legal system a bit more fair. :p
You know something? I think people generally like the feeling that they are trying to get something they can't and are constantly failing miserably at it and yet still persevering. It contradicts the rationality in which they carry out all their other affairs. Some like the challenge. Others become like me, Masochistic.
We'll never just be satisfied with what we have. Instead, we'd rather live beyond our means and beyond our potential. Christians call this faith. Others call it dreaming.
I'm trying to live within my means now. Am I wrong for stating the facts as they are. I am most probably not going to do well but there's hope. And I'll try but I can only expect to perform my best. It's up to God how well I'm going to do.
And please stop telling me that God wants me to do well in everything i do. Doing well is relative k? It depends on my ability. I'm perfectly willing to do a perfect job but i may not be able to do it. All I can promise is that the more I practice, the better I will get. Don't be childish and idealistic can?
And with regards to getting a boyfriend, well, I don't see why i can't. I'm just any ordinary girl. If I insist that that's no hope, then i'll be lying. Cause that would mean that any other girl won't get attached and that's utter nonsense.
But perhaps for me, it's a little different cause I'm not like them. I'm a little different. A little bit less innocence and a little bit more cynicism. I might as well be the White Witch. In fact, i kinda pity whoever who's brave enough to take me on and myself, for allowing him to, knowing that I can get docile if I'm being confronted for failing to be a good friend or a good person.
You know what bliss means for me now?
Air-Con + Sleep + Good Breakfast in the morning
Daddy God, I know that there's no aircon now. But that's all I want for the rest of my life. These 3 things plus of course the health to enjoying it, and the chores to make me sleep well at night. Nothing more. No need for someone to love. I'm sick of that. And no need for a great job. I'm NOT GOING TO PREACH! I'm NOT GOING TO SERVE. FORGET IT.
Please find someone else. Prettier, Nicer and Smarter. Thanks and goodnite
God has been really good to me though the people in God's house something irriate the hell out of me. It's as if I've walked in to hell each time i meet some of these "beloved of heaven". Everything I've done for the Time to Shine project has been rejected by this 1st year student who's quite good at using iMovie. But the thing is that she's super rude and disrespectful and ungrateful. I'm still learning how to use photoshop and in many of my attempts, I've wasted so much time at the expense of my studies. Still, not one word of thanks and a whole lot of criticism. What's wrong with people these days?!?!
Anyway, I'm not going to care about TTS2 anymore until i receive further instructions from Shin (the overseer of PR). For now, I'm actually quite thankful for the blessings of God last night. Yesterday evening, lijuan her boyfriend, xinjing, and I went for Chili Crab somewhere near NUS before studying till 2am at PGP. It was a good headstart because after last night I really felt the momentum picking up and the complacency shaking off. And I know its God cause I said Grace last night and asked God to favour our studies last night. Though beginning was tough and I found it hard to stay awake, the miraculous thing is that the longer I persevered, the more awake I felt, until I didn't want to sleep anymore. I could study till later but I couldn't stand the cold of the study room so I took a cab back to Kuok Foundation. The miraculous thing was that the moment i got into the cab, it started drizzling and the moment i stepped back into my room, it began to pour. I believe that God held back the rain for me as usual. He loves me, he really does.
Right now, I'm still hesistating if I should go for Arrow or TKD though my mind is more or less set on TKD. At Arrow, we are encouraged to proceed with faith, but the true test in at TKD where I need to activate that faith. I receive my feeding from Sunday service already. Don't think that Arrow's that important really. Besides, I always feel refreshed after TKD, somehow, TKD practitioners have the discipline to not bother others with their problems and be more considerate to their seniors and their juniors than those at Arrow.
Here comes the juicy part of my blog.
Things that have started to spruce up my life:
1) I think I have a new crush. (He's not from Church) (I hate that feeling. I'm thinking of ways to fight it cause I hate being dependent on another person and I've had enough of unreciprocated feelings)
- I have been praying to God to rid me of it. So far, quite unsuccessful.
- "Love is a losing game" - Amy Winehouse
- and that's why i intend to stay single all my life.
2) I'm a Brown Belt now!
3) I'm going to embark on my 5-month holiday real soon. Starting from 10 May.
Well, I'll keep you guys updated. Hopefully, by the end of today, my mind will be cleansed from any crushes. Need to concentrate on work!
you know for you i bleed myself dry.
- Yellow: Coldplay
Of course we expect a harvest when we sow? Don't we? Yet, there're some areas in my life that I've been sowing into that don't seem to be reaping any harvest. One of which is probably some of the friendships that I've been trying to develop.
2 persons in particular, I've sent them emails but they've refused to respond. I feel jaded. (Am i too easily discouraged?) Anyway, I'll be going to Tiong Bahru later. After school, to redeem my free KFC meal and to get my glasses fixed.
I think my consolation is that Jesus is "more than enough for me". So I'll always have more than enough to deal with whatever situation that i'm faced with if i continue to be conscious of His love for me.
Anyways, I'm totally disappointed already. This sem's results so far has been far from satisfactory for Making America Modern and Cold War (both level 3000). I can still handle French though it is level 3000 too. I wish that i don't come out with anything less than a B+ average for all my subjects. This was one of my requests to God at the start of this year and so far, the other 2 which are
1) God Medal at IVP
2) To be a blessing and to take up a leadership position
- Radiopulze
- P n W
seem to be manifesting already. So that gives me some assurance of God's' faithfulness. He'll not disappoint me at the end of the day. I'm certain of that. I still need to go for Cold War lecture in that dingy little discussion room later. Yucks... Actually wanted to skip it but I thought I'd have much more to gain if I just went.
Alrite, I hope God fills this day with favour and unmerited blessing so that I'll feel less sian. In Jesus' name, amen.
must everything you do make me wanna smile
can i not like you for awhile.
- Rihanna in Hate that I Love You
First of all, let me say that I'm in a difficult situation now. I'm attempting to research for an essay on a topic that i know absolutely nothing about - Modernisation of China. So, as you can imagine, there's a whole lot of fear involved but my way of dealing with it is this. To not be afraid of the outcome that much. I don't think education was ever meant to be about grades. Education is about learning. So, as i'm reading, i try to remind myself that this is the time that matters the most. THIS and the time I'm going to write my essay, which will help me consolidate all that I've learnt.
When I'm aware of that, it becomes easier because I know that my time in reading is not wasted, I get to enjoy it more.
Anyways, i went to watch The Other Boleyn Girl just now. It's a movie about King Henry and his mistresses. And I sorta got a revelation that beauty has serious implications. Really.. And whoever has it better have morals. The 2 mistresses of the King were very pretty but one of them was very scheming and succeeded in convincing the king to divorce his wife for her. At the end of the day, she was executed for her schemes (by the king who claimed to love her).
Some days ago, i met a girl who spoke about "seducing" some guy into doing something for her and laughed about it. I was shocked. That's totally degrading and immoral, in my opinion, but i know many girls who do it and I think there's a fine line that shouldn't be crossed between being nice and playful and being manipulative. Incidentally, she thinks that living life is about working hard and playing hard (which she defines as going clubbing every single week and doing glamorous stuff). My jaw dropped. I told her that I could never handle that kind of lifestyle and that regardless of what she does I still treasure her as long as she remains humble and thoughtful. Humility is very important especially for those who think very highly of themselves. Eventually, they'll be forced to admit the limitations of these things they are confident in. That's when they'll desperately seek the Lord for security I think.
Sometimes, this is why I'm very cautious when it comes to good looking people. There's a high chance that they're just full of themselves and manipulative. Gotta be careful. To protect myself, I'll show my friends exactly how I am, I dress the way i would with them as when I'm alone and talk to them as equals instead of worshipping them because they think they are somewhat special. Please... We're all the same in God's eyes.
As for me, I refuse to subject myself to beauty trends and expectations. If I wanted, I could eat less, look like a stick, dress up or go for plastic surgery, i dunno, but i know that i'll have the money to do it once i start working. But I wouldn't.
Why? Cause the people who love me now are those who love me in spite of myself and will continue to love me even if I grow old and poor. The others whom I'll get to know once I'm successful, could be interested in knowing me just because of that and i think it's just shallow. I hate that.
I hate it so much cause i can't tell any longer why they're with me for. That's why I'm blessed even now, in kinda a pathetic state of pimple, bad hair, weight gain (a lil), i dunno leiz.
Went out with good friend, i've known for nearly 4 years, Hakim just now and he totally doesn't notice any of this because he's so used to my different looks and he's just interested in my company. :) So blessed. Had so much fun just chatting about life.
I dread the day when I begin to look like everybody else and feel obliged to dress up to attract some guy i like. I wish I'll never get so desperate that I'll do that because it'll just make me miserable when he comes to me eventually and tell me, "Gwen, I used to like you but I guess the feeling has faded away. Now, I need to move on. Sorry"
"Yea right. Faded away. I wish you had seen me at my worse before you asked me to be your girlfriend. But i guess you imagined that I was some angel. Too bad I'm not. Good riddens."
Then I'll wish that I had been wiser to begin with. SO NOW>I need to remind myself. PLEASE GWEN. Don't try to get the attention of anybody. It's futile. They can't be bothered with you now even though you have an awesome personality. This means that they won't be bothered with your personality in the future too.
Drop them now!
And be satisfied with the friends who already love you. Just the way you are.
I'm in the library now. Feeling pretty refreshed from 9 hours of sleep last night. It's time to work on my final essay. The Business History essay, which is due tmr and i intend to finish today. There's something seriously wrong with me. I'm always finding ways to procrastinate until there's no choice but to get to the work and once I've done the work, i assume that I still deserve a good mark. But a good mark doesn't come from doing the work. It comes from doing the work well. Just like going for exams doesn't give u an A. Preparing before the exam will give u a chance of the A but ultimately, it is up to God whether he wants to give it to u or not. You might just walk away with nothing. (LIke me)
Is it too early to say? there're still exams coming, where I can hope to redeem myself at. Well, I doubt it.
My level of faith in myself is in an all time low.
Daddy God, please help? I can't do this on my own. I'm ultra demoralized.
Life sucks.
I've done loads off things this sem.
Some were success, most were failures.
I'm feeling miserable because i find it hard to live with those failures.
I feel constantly condemned by them and forced to find a solution to them when I know that could be none but to try again, in which case, i need to do something better so that I wouldn't fail again. But am I capable of that something better?
Shucks.
I've got no more confidence. (Zilt) I can't blame others but it doesn't help that I'm not as vain as the other girls and can't seem to fit in with them very much. I feel awful.
Jesus. Help me.
Today was the Sean Kingston interview. demoralised again. Charmaine, my CGL called me in the middle of the interview and i forgot to switch off my phone. At the end of the interview i realised that Char had called to inform me that Darrell was leading worship this week. Oh hurray. So, I was so excited for nothing. Like I'll take her words seriously from now on.
I got my essay back for MAM and got a C+. The average grade was a B. - prof gordon said it's too general.
I did terribly at Monday's Cold War debate that'll be graded though i researched a lot for it cause i didn't have the time to rehearse. The opposition personally attacked my team brutally afterwards and we lost but the shitiest thing is that my groupmates totally undermined me. They were rude, one of the girls on my team especially, assuming that I haven't prepared. I admit. It sucked. There was completely no favor at all.
After that I did have a great presentation for my TR module and the Prof praised my group. My groupmates were very pleased and so was i. I went back and felt ok about myself for awhile.
Today, I realised how sucky my essay was when i bumped into another girl from my MAM class. She got a B+ for the essay even though this was the first history module she has ever taken. I felt like throwing myself off the building.
It doesn't help too that the 2 girls who accompanied me to the press conference had this really poor impression of me, just because i was relaxed and humble. (well, it could be my hairstyle too. Damn..) I'm glad that i've got capable colleagues like them but I would like for them to respect and think well of me as well. But i guess that's quite difficult now. How do u build up respect from a bunch of people who like to judge you by your appearance and how much you brag about yourself. I don't have the looks and much less the desire to boast about my achievements.
My dad totally irritated me this morning. I was rushing an essay but he messaged me random stuff like:
"Is the France thing still on?" (OF COURSE!!!)
"Yes"
"Any updates?"
"No"
"Any action plan on your part"
At which point i just couldn't resist anymore. My reply was
"Can u stop bothering me? I'm very busy."
...
I really don't want him to be mad at me but I think he's just clueless and clearly provocative. I hate it that he always mentions the exchange program to irritate me. That's how he communicates with me and i hate it.
ARGH..
I feel so awful right now. Like I'm absolutely useless or sth. I secretly wish that I haven't chosen to be in FASS and had chosen business instead. Oh the IRONY! (I was from Business when I was in Poly but i insisted on transferring to JC)
I know everything will be fine because i believe in the redemption of Christ. Just that, I wish there was something more that i could have done. More than what I did. To make things better.
For now, I thank God for the grace to live with my imperfect self and the patience to deal with all these trying circumstances. I thank God that before I was born, He had already designed a perfect plan to get me out of every situation, and that plan will be made known to me real soon. I thank God that I do not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of grace. I thank God that my treasure is in heaven and not on Earth. I thank God that he doesn't see my sins anymore.
I request in the name of Jesus that God smites me with His mercies and healing. I plead the blood of Jesus over my studies in History, over Radiopulze, over TKD and over my health. I claim the blessings that Jesus has died to give me. I shall not live in fear or despair but always have hope, expectation of good to come.
Daddy God, command a blessing on my that is so obvious that it swallows up all my shortcomings and makes me shine like a star amongst my peers so that they might know that you are with me and your grace is my strength.
Your love is sweeter than wine.
In Jesus' mighty name,
Amen
I wish there was more that I could say other than ..........................
Yes, I'm staring at the screen now with my mouth wide open. My body's so exhausted but my mind's still working. Din have much sleep last night working on my essay and now, I'm still at it. Except i'm only half way through it.
Why am I wasting time typing this? Well, because I've got nothing left to say. In spite of all my effort, I've only reached 1,500 words. I really can't make 3,000 unless I find more stuff to write but I really have nothing left to write. Looking for more content now. This is the worse ever. I've not been in a situation like that ever since I came to NUS. There's a French test tmr at 10am and i haven't studied.
My body's like violently protesting i think. My head is super awake but I feel awfully nauseous, like I'm going against what my body wants 180 degrees. It's like my body's telling me "all right. Finish it already will you? And after that just go to sleep." But I'm like, How the Hell am I going to get 1,500 more words?
Pray in tongues? Did i mention that my mouth is wide open and my head's tilted to the side? haha... I'm super exhausted. My mouth included. (did a show just now. Jason woke me up in the middle of my important 1 hr nap so i only got half an hour of rest)
The worse part about all this? I'm feeling damn lousy about myself. Really, I feel like I don't deserve anything good at all. In fact, just now, someone did something really sweet for me and I just thought to myself, "If only he knew how much of a failure I am, then he would not have done it."
This 2 weeks is passing real fast and every day is a torture.
Tmr: French Test + Music Mania + West Wing
(Need to hand in Cold War Debate script)
(Need to edit TTS icon)
(Need to prepare worksheet for NYJC Pilot Test)
Saturday: TR2201 Pilot Test at NYJC + TKD
Sunday: TKD Grading + Project Group Meeting + Church
Monday: Cold War Debate + Music Mania
Tuesday: TR2201 Presentation
Friday: 2 essays due (Business History + Making America Modern Research essay)
My stupid stupid classmate asked me why I was so busy and asked me if I could switch roles with her for the COLD WAR DEBATE. I wanted to be the last speaker so that I could just rebut the opposition and sum things up but she wants to do it. That bum, she's so free la. She was already working on the debate today and she can't make things a bit easier for me. SHIT. And I know I shouldn't be complaining cause I've got no one to blame but myself for this predicament. If I didn't have Radiopulze and TKD, things will be easier but then again, life will be awfully dull.
Judging from the way things are going, I doubt I'll be in Radiopulze for long though. My partner asked me earlier if I will be too busy to handle it next sem, I said no but she said that if we could find new talent, I might not even have to DJ at all. My view on this is "How unfair can life be? Now that I've finally gotten the hang of things and gotten attached to my job, I'm going to be asked to leave."
So, anyway, I wish that classmate could just be more considerate and give me the last speaker role. Or tell me specifically what part I need to know so that I can do it on Sunday evening. And I hope that I'll not be chased out of RP. And I hope that if I do get chased out, it's not because of some petty excuse.
And I hope that I'll find more material to use for my essay. And I hope that if everything screws up, there is a way that I can catch up within the reading week.
Daddy God. This sucks big time.
GOD i can't wait for reading week to come.
Good news, at least my parents and my sister are not bothering me now. I'm glad i'm staying in a hall. If not, their nagging will kill me. My dad esp. He's the epitome of a troublemaker.
AHHHHHHH!! I'm drowning. How? Divine intervention!
20 years old,
Student at NUS,
Not particularly brilliant but tries to be dilligent,
in love with Jesus Christ,
Single but unavailable (Wanna concentrate on my studies 1st)
Loves
Hates
Archives
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
Links
SEATO(My online accessories stall)
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YouTube
Debs
NUS webbie
